Tri-Color Lament

The only thing I miss about working in an office this time of year is access to one of these bad boys:

 

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At my last job I sat dangerously close to the break room (like 2 feet), so I had my choice of any holiday fatness my heart desired.  Now if I want a special treat I have to actually walk my 8+ month pregnant behind into the store and buy it.  It's all just too cliché and sad to do.  So I mostly don't.  Which is good.

 

And it's also so hard to justify buying 5 pounds of popcorn for yourself, no matter the time of year.

 

But it doesn't mean I can't still dream of taking a little hand bath in a caramel, cheddar, original menage trois.  Can I get an AMEN!?

 

And Happy Holidays!

Not Smoothie

This is what happens when your child is basically like the adorable version of Gordon Ramsey in the kitchen with 0% patience when his food is bring prepared:

And honestly I'm only saying Gordon Ramsey because Mussolini seems like too harsh of a comparison for a toddler.  But if you don't get this kid his food in 2 minutes or less after he has walked into the kitchen, you better watch your back.  It makes for some really relaxing 6:15 wake up calls.

You get flustered at his screaming and then you accidentally paint your entire kitchen in colorful and sticky smoothie.

(It turns out even fancy blenders are smart enough to tell you that the lid wasn't on all the way.)

While my kitchen looks like a tub of blueberry curd exploded, at least I thought to look in the mirror and get the excess liquid out of my hair.  Unlike this morning, when I accidentally dropped a plate of eggs, which could not have broken into more pieces.  It wasn't until about 3 hours later that I realized I had a nice cheesy chunk of protein dangling above my ear.

I'm basically nailing motherhood.

Now on a more serious note, this is my AFTER cleaning picture.  Does anyone know how to get blueberry stain off of a ceiling?

Now I want Chipotle

Should I be alarmed that 4 separate people tagged me in this Instagram post yesterday?

 

 

 

Whatever...If the burrito fits!

Ethnic Foods

I like how instead of saying that I only like foods that involve lots of cheese, chips, carbs, specialty breads, or tomato sauce, I can just say, "I am really into ethnic foods."

 

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Thanks ethnic foods!

Things that do not mix

This Sunday I learned a few things.

 

1) Hangovers + babies = FML

 

2) Leftover Domino's pizza from your babysitter makes a great breakfast

 

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3) Q'Doba has awesome nachos

 



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4) James Foods Southwest Style Chicken Casserole is absolutely phenomenal.

 

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5) It is impossible to lose baby weight while hungover and eating the above listed items on the same day in an attempt to quiet the evil troll pounding on your head.

 

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6) Getting drunk is still awesome.  Just a loooooot more dicey when you have to care for another human the next day.

 

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Sweet Kale Salad Kit

This is just a good old fashioned recommendation of a product that I am excited about.  I can't remember where I first had it, it was at a dinner party of some sort, so thank you to whoever introduced me to it originally.  I just rediscovered it on my bi-annual pilgrimage to Costco with my mom and got so excited to try it again. 

 

Disclaimer: I'm not a member, but I'm the daughter of a member.  That counts for some prestige, right?

 

 

 

The salad is packed full of healthy super greens like kale, cabbage, brussell sprouts, broccoli, and chicory (wtf is that?!).  You could serve it at a big party to lots of people, or do what I did and serve it to yourself and your husband for lunches.  I had it with a side of kielbasa and mustard.  Random?  Yes.  But that's what happens when you are part of a shopping group that also purchased 4+ pounds of the flavor meat links. 

 

The salad has a somewhat raw flavor due to the raw greens in it, but once you get some of that yummy poppy seed dressing, chewy dried cranberries, and crunchy little sunflower seeds, you won't even know that what you are eating is healthy.

 

 

 

Literally...I asked Grant if he liked the salad and he said, "If it is bad for me, then I didn't like it.  But if it was good for me, then I loved it."   Oh Grant, you make me giggle.  He was also in love with the kielbasa and asked me, "What is this meat?!  This is amazing!"  Easy to please, appreciative, and highly confused - what more could you want in a lunch recipient?

Food Trickery

Whoever comes up with the photographs on the wrappers and boxes of food deserves a big medal for trickery.  Recently I have purchased the following 3 items because the product looks so decadent and luscious on the box.  

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And on the inside, they look like sad petite cardboard poops.  And they taste only slightly better but much more artificial, at least in the case of that cinnamon number.  And in the case of the Kashi bars they have all the texture but no flavor at all.  It's like your taste buds are playing an evil trick on your mind as it eats seemingly moist and scrumptious...nothingness.

I'm sure if the pictures were more honest these products would have a lot less consumers, but there would also be a lot less sad hungry pregnant woman internally weeping over their 3 inch granola bar...being left with no other choice but to eat 2 or 3...some with peanut butter on top...

I must be going through a growth spurt, things are getting highly caloric over here.

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Snack Attack

I think there should be a rule that once you eat all your lunch and snacks at work, you get to go home.

 

 Once I eat my last banana or packet of nuts, I always feel like there is nothing to look forward to for the work day and I instantly check out mentally.

 

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Who's with me!?  They've already taken away our nap times.  Give us our freedom to snack and attack...the EXIT door.

 

This message brought to you by Lazy Fatties of America.

Baked Woven Wheats Are Not Delicious

I picked these babies up from Whole Foods on Sunday.

 

 

 

And when I say babies I really mean the carb equivalent of a grumpy old man.  It turns out whatever they allow you to put in the Triscuits at Harris Teeter that doesn't make the cut at Whole Foods, is a very important and delicious ingredient.

 

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But what I really have an issue with about these crackers is the name.  In what world is this an appropriate name for a food - Baked Woven Wheats?  At least one that you are trying to sell, and not trick people into disregarding so you can keep for yourself.

 

It seems like maybe someone was so high on granola that they just got tickled by the alliteration and decided to go with it.  Kind of like this, but with no preservatives or joy:

 

 

 

Whatever is the opposite of OPI nail polish naming criteria, is the modus operandi at Whole Foods.  I mean really think about the name Baked Woven Wheats.  If I hadn't seen it in the store with my own eyes I would have guessed it was a reference to very earthy quilt made in the Arizona desert.

 

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This is just further proof that I need to save my money and my taste buds and always, always turn left to Harris Teeter.  Whole Foods you tricked me again!

Cheers to Chips and Money

File this under your list of things that are impossible to do:

 

NOT buy these when you see them at the grocery store

 

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Have you ever?  I buy full fat potato chips about once a year.  And as of yesterday by 2013 quota is filled.  I just couldn't, not get them!

 

I can't imagine anything greater than winning $1,000,000 for coming up with a potato chip flavor.  To combine my love of potato chips, garlic bread, and $1,000,000, my cup would truly runneth over.

 

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The flavor is pretty good.  I doubt I'd buy them again because they are pretty rich after a few handfuls.  But that doesn't mean that I won't also try Chicken and Waffles and Sriracha in the spirit of being chip-adventurous!

 

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Forget the Winter Olympics.  This is definitely my kind of competition!

The Artist Formerly Known as Meat

Don't you just hate it when you go to the grocery and can't figure out the difference between ground beef, flank steak, and pork chops and leave with a raging meat-induced headache? 

 

Oh really?  Me neither.

 

Nonetheless, The National Pork Board and the National Cattlemen's Beef Association have decided to rename all the meat you can buy at the grocery store.

 

Check out the article here - Exciting Day for Meat: All The Meats are Getting New Names

 



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They are renaming the cuts of meat to reflect names that people are more familiar with from restaurants.  And by restaurants I'm sure they mean Red Robin. 

 

I'm sorry but a "Denver Steak" is not less confusing than "Beef under blade boneless steak".  I literally have no idea what a Denver Steak is. 

 

And "Beef loin top sirloin cubes" will now become "kabobs." Because apparently we are that stupid.

 

So  this summer, if it ever stops raining, fire up your grill, gather your brethren, and get out your meat thesaurus, because meat nomenclature as we know it will never be the same.

Competition Dining

Last night I went to my first ever dining competition.  And it was so much fun!

 

The competition is called Fire on the Dock and it took place at Bluewater Grill on Wrightsville Beach.

 

We got to taste 6 courses from 2 chefs.  The tastings were blind, the voting was via Smartphone, and the secret ingredients were Pepsi and Peanuts.

 

We were told to judge on Presentation, Aroma, Flavor, Creativity (regarding use of secret ingredients), and Execution.  I was pretty cutthroat in my voting.  You don't spend the better part of a decade obsessing over food just to giveaway 5's willy nilly.  No ma'am.

 

My pictures aren't very glamours, per usual, but let me show you what we had in our casual 6 course meal ;)

 

Andouille & Hillsborough Farmers Cheese Fritter
with Chilled Lobster, Crawfish, Roasted Peanut & Papaya Salad, & Lemon Pepsi Vinaigrette

 This fritter was pretty epic.  So rich and cheesy from the goat cheese.  Definitely my favorite appetizer.

 

 

 Five Spice Peanut Tempura Shrimp
with Citrus, Radish & Pickled Vegetable Salad, Sweet & Spicy Pepsi Chili Glaze, & Cilantro Peanut Pesto

I gave this one a poor score for presentation because it looked like two turds on my plate.  I also gave it a mediocre score for flavor because it was highly over fried.  High score for creativity with the Cilantro Peanut Pesto though.  Nice touch.

 

 

Spiced Pepsi Marinated Veal Medallions
with Bing Cherry Pepsi Compote, Hillsborough Farms Goat Cheese Polenta Cake, Roasted Oyster Mushrooms & Asparagus Tips

This was my first foray into veal. And might I say that it looks and tastes just like pork, only with much more guilty and hesitation. Hell yes for that Oyster Mushroom. Hell yes.

That cherry Pepsi compote got high scores for creativity from me.  I'm not a big sweets with my savory person.  But I wasn't judging for myself, so I tried to be subjective.  Basically I was doing God's work.

 

Pepsi Marinated Certified Angus Beef® Teres Major
with Roasted Peanut & Southern Greens Pesto, Rosemary Mashed Potatoes, Truffled Wild Mushrooms & Pepsi Onion Straws

This was DANK.  Seriously the best mashed potatoes I've ever had.  And the truffled wild mushrooms and southern greens pesto were earthy and delicious.  Apparently Teres Major is like the armpit muscle of cows.  I highly regretted that Google search, but enjoyed it nonetheless...mostly.

 

Chocolate Hazelnut Mousse & Pepsi Cinnamon Rum Mousse
with Espresso Cream, Roasted Peanut & Caramel Drizzle, & Peanut Shortbread Cookie

The description pretty much says it all.  It was delicious.  Grant said he'd had better cookies, but he also fancies himself a very critical Cookie Monster so the chef had no chance against him.

 

Pepsi Fudge Cake
with Sweet Peanut Icing, Candied Bacon, Peanut Brittle & Pepsi Spiced Caramel

I liked the drizzle of Pepsi spiced caramel.  However, I did not like the presentation (everyone can make an upside down cake in a cupcake tin).  I also thought the candied bacon was too rich.  I just think bacon is too overpowering in general.  Sue me.

 

The highlights of the night included:

 

1) Being about to stick your face in your food and smell it, because it was required.

 

2) Being about to be on your phone the whole night without judgement.

 

3) The Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma'am style of eating the plates and then immediately judging them.

 

4) The fact that the person next to me was named Destany.

 

5) The wasted girl next to Grant who drank 5 glasses of wine and then spilled her drink all over her date.

 

6) The passion for food and drink of my table mates.  I went to a black-tie dinner last weekend in which NO ONE at my table drank, thus shaming me into not drinking.  They also didn't know what Endive was and thought that the mint on their dessert was grass.  I'm not judging.  I just take my culinary experiences seriously and like to be around those who do too.  You know you're in for a good crowd when you are at a paid dining competition.  No water drinking, gourmet haters in this crowd!

 

The results of the competition are here if you're interested:  http://www.competitiondining.com/results/22-north-v-sweet-n-savory

 

I highly recommend this experience if you get the chance.  There are still dates left in Wilmington and they also put it on in Greensboro, Raleigh, Asheville, and Charlotte.

Take Time

Sometimes, at the end of a yoga class, when the teacher says to take a moment to think about your intentions for the rest of the day, instead of thinking of light and love and all that shit, I think to myself: "It'll be Gaaaa-reeeeat!"  Like Tony the Tiger.

 

That's how I know I'll never be fully spiritual.  Or fully mature.

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Creative Cousin

Boo!  Did I scare you?  I just wanted to get your attention to share these super creative Halloween treats.

 

Look at these amazing Halloween dinner ideas that my cousin made when I was in DC last weekend:

 

Jack O' Lantern Peppers stuffed with turkey, cheese, onions, seasonings, etc.

 

Green Beans Casserole with Ritz Cracker Tombstones.  Scary delicious!

 

It's not too late to make them for tomorrow night's dinner.  Spook and delicious - the perfect All Hallows Eve combination! 

Back Home And Loving It...

When we were in Lausanne for a couple of nights on our trip, we realized that we could get to France in only 30 minutes by ferry!!  How amazing is that? 

Naturally, in order to feel way more cultured than we really are, we immediately high-tailed it over to Evian, France for a little day trip.

After purchasing a "European Man's Wallet" for 10 Euro for Grant, then immediately realizing that it was made of plastic and smelled like gasoline, we stumbled upon this little gem of a spot for lunch.

After about 7 days of eating Schnitzel and Brats, we were delighted to find salads on the menu!  And not just any salads, my favorite kind!  Nicoise Salad, which I was shocked to discover has rice on it when made authentically in France.

Grant got a salad, on the right below, with goat brie broiled on mini baguette pieces.  It was out of this world!  Then again, most things with melted cheese are.

The Real Deal

I attempted to recreate a few elements of the salads we'd had all throughout the trip last night, in an effort to eat lots of vegetables.  Hmmm, somehow it doesn't look quite the same!

Oh well, still tasty...kind of.  At least I am eating more than meats and cheeses this week.

My version.  Not the same.

Coming back from vacation is the total pits, especially when the clock strikes 2pm at work and your body is ready for steins of beer and something decadent  to eat.   And instead all you have is this:

Pizza-Station

Hark the Sound for Tar Heel asses, being not as fat!

Gumby's has closed!  Check out an article on the closing here. 

I seriously wish this had happened when I was in college.  Not because I want anyone to go out of business.  Just because it would probably have saved me about 20 of my freshman 30.  That's pounds, btw.  Not number of times I was asked out.

They don't call that XXL Pokey Sticks a DAMNIT for nothing.

If you're desperate for a replacement <s>in this time of need</s> the next time you are drunk or hungover, try the Cheese Sticks from Papa John's.  They as good as, if not better than Pokey Sticks.  AND they come with a garlic butter sauce.  I love it when things automatically come with fatty sides or sauces.  Then you can be like, "Oh, I didn't even order this!"  But you can still eat it because it's there.

College will never be the same.

'Roid 'Ragin in the USA

Have you ever experienced hunger-related grumpiness?

I didn't know I suffered from this affliction until kind of recently. 
I now know, thanks to some delayed honesty, that every time I would get back from the gym after work, hungry and in need of a snack, I was apparently extremely unpleasant.

Grant, presumably trying not to anger the beast, would just try to bear with me until I had fed myself.  Until he finally broke down and asked me if I was taking steroids when I worked out.  Apparently I was that wretched.

Wow.  When you husband has reason to believe that you might be taking performance enhancing drugs just because you're being such a bitch, it might be time to rethink snack time.

Now I eat my yogurt in the late afternoon and am successfully avoiding all suspicions of 'roid rage.

That's what spouses are for - To support you through good, bad, sickness, and health.  And to tell you when you're so awful that you are scaring people.

It's all about the little things!

I know you can't read this fuzzy picture, but it says there are 3 meatballs in a serving, and 5 servings. That's a total of 15 meatballs I was prepared to bake last night.

But wait! Count carefully. There are 17 meatballs here. AKA, two free meatballs for me!!

In hindsight, the amount of joy I got from realizing I received two free meatballs is somewhat frightening. But what can I say? I love food. And when it's free, there's just no bounds to my passion!

Carne AsadAAAhmygod that's good

I am 90% sure that I'm finally moving next weekend. And I'm 99% happy about it. The 1% reservation has do with a lil' something I like to call heaven/Kiva Grill/Baja 38 Grill on Market Street in Wilmington. Also known as The Best Restaurant I've Ever Been to 300 times.

I have been there at least once, but mostly twice a week since I've lived here (often two days in a row). Which has been for about 4 months. So, I've basically had Mexican food 30 times in the last 4 months.

Holy black beans! That's a lot of Mexican.

The saddest part is that I don't even have any shame about it. I finally achieved a status as a "regular". They know my order. I don't have to cook when I go. And I miraculously haven't gained a pound from the 4-month Mexican extravaganza. Maybe it's magical?!

They are so good that no matter how complicated your order, they NEVER mess it up. The only SNAFU I've ever experienced was when a waitress forgot my black beans. And it turns out I wasn't even that hungry that time, so it's like she read my mind and did me a favor by not bringing them to me. Delicious beef plus mind/stomach reading abilities?! I'll take it!!

Give me tex-mex or give me flat abs death. If you haven't been there you are MAJORLY missing out. And if you have been and you didn't get something with the Carne Asada, you obviously hate things that are absolutely FANTASTIC! Seriously, I am going to have to pull another "allergic reaction" email and try to find out what the marinade is. It's that good. Tonight when I ate there I actually told my husband, "I want to make love to this meat." And he agreed...so that's saying something.

Luckily they have 2 other locations in Wilmington so I can go no matter where I end up moving :) Otherwise I might simply wither away...or get really into Italian food.

Wipe

I'm going to chalk this up as the world's worst free sample.

Paper Towels.

This was at Costco yesterday and they were literally just offering you the chance to spray a water bottle and then wipe of the water with a Viva paper towel.

Thanks, but no thanks. I'll go sample the sausage balls in aisle 2.

PSA: Do not go to Costco on a Tuesday at 5pm if you want to fill up on freebies. That was the only time I've ever been to Costco in which I didn't have at least a few tapas worth of food.