Baby Daddy Gold

Anyone who has been reading my blog since the beginning might remember a few posts I did about the mind blowingly amazing observations that my husband Grant made about my outfits.

 

Well, he's back.  And it's still unintentionally hilarious, but this time about babies.  Here is a list of a few gems I've heard in the last 6 weeks of Katie's life:

 

1) I asked him a few weeks back to do a little tummy time with Katie while I fed Jack dinner at my parents' house.  His response was, "I really don't feel like taking my shirt off right now in front of everyone."

 

Apparently Grant thinks that tummy time is the same thing as skin to skin contact.  But the fact that he didn't even give it an outright NO at the time is commendable.

 

2) When Jack was little he slept in a Rock N' Play for one week and then I started putting him in the crib, never really rocking him, he always went straight to sleep, and I never looked back.  I kept telling Grant how nervous I was that Katie doesn't like the crib at all and I can't just throw her in there and make her sleep for a few hours.

 

To which he told me, "Marilyn, she's not a crock pot!"

 

I am still trying to make her a crock pot.  But it's not happening.

 

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3) One of my sweet friends who also had a baby recently sent me some delicious lactation cookies which were actually extremely delicious.  Grant, AKA the Cookie Monster, couldn't resist them and started eating a few.  When I told him they were lactation cookies he freaked out, "Am I going to start leaking milk out of my nipples!?"

 

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This reminded me of a friend in college who read on her birth control that "stopping this medicine may cause pregnancy" and thought that meant that she would experience immaculate conception just from not taking the medicine.

 

4) Someone dropped some bows off at our door from the church a few weeks back.  I showed them to Grant and said they were cute.  He asked me, "What are these?"  He literally didn't know what a bow was.  A true child of 4 boys.  I can't wait until the first time Katie paints his nails over a cup of pretend tea.

 

I have an amazing picture somewhere of my dad wearing lots of clips in his hair.  Which he agreed too only for a back rub when I was younger.  Although I'm sure he would still go for that deal now.  The man is a sucker for a back rub.

 

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5) That time he told me he was tired.  He started talking and I truly couldn't hear him because of the vent in the bathroom, but I told him straight up, "I feel like you are going to start comparing our levels of tired, and that is just not a safe place to go right now". 

 

You have to be honest in a relationship, lest you get the urge to cut a bitch in his full nights sleep after you've woken up 5 times already.

 

 

Side note: They say the second child gets screwed and just has to do whatever the older child does and adhere to his schedule, but this is a picture of my oldest child playing with a flyswatter on top of a collapsed empty box of diapers while his little sister sleeps.  I'd say the neglect goes both ways.

 

 

We Run the World Girls

Recently I went to a party and had a pretty revealing encounter with two separate individuals.

One came up to me unprovoked (never seen her before in my life), and told me that parenthood was a total emotional roller coaster...and that she hadn't slept in two months, felt like a zombie, and had never worn so much concealer under her eyes in her life.  She had a 9 week old.

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I guess my plump stomach serves as an "Advice Wanted" sign so I don't have to wear an actual one.  But the girl was cute and it was a really nice encounter.  And a tiny bit scary.

Then as I was leaving the party, I got more advice from a man outside who also saw my invisible sign and told me, "Having a baby is the best thing ever.  It's so much fun!  I have a 9 week old and it's just great."  His take on being a parent was drastically less dramatic.

My womanly instincts told me this might be the laid back baby daddy to that exhausted woman inside.  I asked if by any chance he had a 9 week old.  He said yes.  I told him I just talked to his wife who said she was exhausted and hadn't slept in 2 months.

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His response, "Well, sure, she does 90% of the parenting duties.  But it's really fun for me!"

Their markedly different states of parenthood and its effects did not go unnoticed.

I have a feeling this is only the beginning of a lot of perceived parenting injustices in my future.  If you do the crime you have to do the time.  And if you have the boobs in free time and sleep you lose! (Patent pending on that expression).

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I'm ready!