OWN

Yesterday, in what can only be described as the least productive day of my life, I watched 12 straight hours of the OWN Network.  "The Oprah Show: Where Are They Now" can really suck you in, apparently.

 

Oprah mentioned the makeovers of seasons past a lot and admitted that the AFTER results were often much, much worse than the BEFORE's.  I think that admission is strongly supported by this image that flashed across the screen, inexplicably without comment:

 

 

 

You aren't reading Hebrew here.  That's really the AFTER on the right.  So they basically took a normal looking man in jeans and a button up shirt and "transformed" him into a tube-sock wearing, high-top sporting, man purse toting goober in sweat pant capris. 

 

It turns out Oprah's Midas Touch has one very extreme exception.

BeYESce

Recently I was asked why I never commented on the name that Beyonce and Jay-Z chose for their baby - Blue Ivy.

Yes, I think that is a stupid name. Who wants to be named after a color, one that is only three letters short of the word Blubber? And Ivy? That just reminds me of the time my neighbor got his fingers and eyes each webbed together by a poisonous three leaf growth in the woods.

But this is Beyonce we are talking about people. I don't know if you've ever heard the way Jimmy Kimmel talks about Oprah, but that is how I feel about Beyonce. (Watch this video if you know what's good for you! It even features Boyz II Men)

No one messes with the queen of pop, bitch! Beyonce could name her baby Butt Rash for all I care. Homegirl and her mini-me are still going to be fierce and flawless.

When it comes to Beyonce, don't ask question. Just nod your head and tap your feet...and bring the beat in...Ok now you have to watch this video. It's my second favorite song of the moment.

Baby why not me?

Did any of yall see the Judds on Oprah yesterday?

I have never seen less natural looking hair colors in all my life.

Literally, these colors do not occur in nature.

Tone it down mama and sista!