What a Relief

 

 

According to my sources, AKA US Weekly, Mariah Carey never has to worry about money again now that she is engaged to a billionaire.

 

 

Thank goodness.  I was worried about the poor girl.  According to my research she only has a net worth of $520 million so it is a good thing her Prince Charming came along when he did!

 

This reminds me a lot of when Ricky Martin came out of the closet, which I never knew he was in.  Not exactly hard hitting news.

I'm Jealous of Mariah Carey's Dogs

Rosie would be SO jealous if she knew about this...

 

Mariah Carey Reportedly Spends $46,000 a Year on Spa Treatments...FOR HER DOGS!!!

 

Source

 

In related news, I'm extremely sad but not at all surprised that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are splitting up.  I always knew the only person that could truly appreciate her diva demands and lifestyle was ME!

 

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Mariah, call me.  I'll help you out

That seems reasonable...

Sassy Slings

Remember when I reported a few days ago about Mariah Carey injuring her shoulder making a music video?

 

Well, in true  Mariah fashion, she is now dressing up her injured shoulder in the most absolutely fabulous arm slings money can buy.

 

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I die.

 

Seriously, how can you not adore this woman's unabashed embrace of the ridiculous? 

The correct answer is: You can't!

 

I was very proud and tickled that 4 different people sent me this article yesterday about her bedazzled slings.  I guess when you have a public love for Mariah Carey, people want to spread the good word of her crazy. 

Mimi got a boo boo

Ruh-Roh

 

Mariah Carey hospitalized for shoulder injury

 

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The only thing more surprising than Mariah Carey sustaining what sounds to a layman like a sports injury, is the fact that people are still making music videos.  Why?  Where do these videos get played?

 

I actually saw a music video on MTV recently, and I almost fell off the elliptical.  But it was at 10am on a Thursday morning, and the video was "Yeah", by Usher, circa 2008, so it wasn't like I had really untapped a legitimate source.

 

This general disappearance of music video really makes me kind of sad.  I used to come home everyday from school and watch my beloved Carson Daly count town the top 10 videos of the day on TRL.  I can't believe today's youth has to live without that sort of visual stimuli.  Heaven forbid they have to go outside and play instead!

 

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And just for good measure:

 

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Mimi Bow Wow

My apologies for the unprecedented absence m'ladies!  Due to unforeseen circumstances I was away from my computer for the better part of last week. 

 

But, after 5 solid days of over eating, over drinking, and over emotionaling, I'm back!

 

And what better way to return than with a Mariah Carey related task.  MC needs help naming her dogs.  Check out the story here.  She's already narrowed her choices down to the rational 3 following:

 

Pow, Pip and Beau T. Ful.

 

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I'm sure it goes without saying that my vote is for Beau T. Ful.  Because it's absolutely ridiculous. 

 

Speaking of ridiculous.  My little Rosie is off the charts cute these days.  Leaving her at home to go to work everyday is a really special type of torture.  It's like leaving the tropics to go one of the Dakotas in the dead of winter (i.e., not cool bro).

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of Course She Did...

Oh Mariah.  You silly, little 43 year old woman-child.  

 

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon just renewed their vows for their 5 year wedding anniversary in a lavish ceremony that included 250 guests and shutting down the entire Disneyland park.  Oh and Mariah dressing like Cinderalla.  Obvi.

 

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Because the only thing more rational than having a vow renewal with more guests than most people have at their first wedding, is doing it at an amusement park for children, in your mid 40's.

 

You know, the world is a crazy place.  You can't predict who will go crazy.  You can't predict what the economy will do.  Hell, you can't even predict the weather sometimes.

It's nice to know in a world full of the frightening and unknown, that one thing will always remain constant:  Mariah Carey being ridiculous.  And Nick Cannon going along with it and dressing up as a Disney prince.

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Thank you for being someone I can count on Mariah.  Give my love to #dembabies and the whole gang at Disney! 

Oh My Mariah

Just when you thought Pinterest made you look bad for not having the time and creativity to homemake your baby's food or make a milk necklace out of your own breast milk (no, really - Milk Necklace)...

 

According to Star Magazine and this website, "Star Magazine reports that the singer, and 'American Idol' judge Mariah Carey uses $1900 La Mer cream on her twins' - Monroe and Moroccan - bottoms. The magazine also says that she uses bottled water for their bubble baths."

 

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This really puts the pressure on other moms out there to step up their ass cream regimen!  Oh wait...No, no it doesn't.  This just really puts pressure on Mariah Carey to out-ridiculous herself in the next story about her hygiene antics.

Oh, Mariah.  Will wonders never cease?

Yule Tide Mariah

Real Talk.  This video is brilliant for a number of reasons. 

 

 

 

How can you go wrong with fundamental classroom instruments, Jimmy Fallon, cute kids, and the motha freakin' Roots band?!  Answer: You can't.

 

But the #1 reason why this video is the end all be all of Yuletide merriment is because it showcases the sheer vocal prodigy that is Mariah Carey.  Only the original MC can stand along like this and still sound like an angel we have heard on high.

 

For real y'all.  You will never see Britney Spears or Miley Cyrus going straight acapella on an ORIGINAL chart topping Christmas song.  It just doesn't happen.  Unless you're Mariah Carey.  In which case thank you ma'am for blessing my ears and the Christmas season with the best Christmas song of all time.  #2 being the ever soulful Silent Night by the Temptations.  Can a sista' get a baritone in here!?

 

 

RESPECT

'Tis the Season to be Crazy

Oh Mimi you so crazy. Check out this article about how Mariah starts planning her Christmas in June. And people say I plan too far ahead of time!

You really have to respect this woman's passion for Christmas and all things over-the-top. My favorite part of the article is when she is quoted as saying, "I love cooking and I'm a smash-hit wonder in the kitchen."

That is just not something normal people say about themselves. Which is why I 100% believe that Mariah Carey said it.

Finally, can I get a "WHAT WHAT" for that picture above. Mariah Carey, circa the mid-90's, with a reindeer. That is pretty much a trifecta of awesome right there.

Merry Almost Christmas everyone!!

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Breaking News: Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have launched a website solely dedicated to their twins, Monroe and Moroccan.

What's the name of the website? I'm glad you asked...http://dembabies.com/ What else, silly?!

This is literally as if God answered the most specific prayer I've ever had. They are super cute.

Unfortunately the pictures you can scroll through aren't numbered, but please click through them at least until you get to the one with the baby wearing a diamond tiara and pearl necklace. I think it's the 5th or 6th one. And I think it's the best thing I've ever seen.

YES WE CAN!

5 octaves, 1 diva

In case you were ever curious about the origin of my obsession with Mariah Carey, be curious no more. The answer is here: http://music-mix.ew.com/2011/09/29/mariah-carey-five-octaves-one-minute/

That's my #1 diva singing five octaves in one minute...albeit not at the same time, but I know she could do it if Monroe and Morrocan's lives depended on it.

I referenced her ability to hit the whistle register here in July, but who knew that she was also a veritable baritone as well.

My favorite notes are definitely F#3 and B6. Check out the video at the bottom of this page and try to tell me she's not fabulous. I dare you.

Huggy Bear

Oh Mariah? What have you gotten yourself into?

http://www.rap-up.com/2011/08/20/nick-cannon-attempts-to-break-world-hugging-record/

Your much younger husband not only attempted to break the world record for the most hugs given, he failed. By 52 hugs. I'd rather fail by 200. 52 is just annoying.

“He embraced everyone from kids and adults to men in drag and pets.”

At least it was for a good cause. For every hug he gave, a toy was donated to the Mets Care Room at the New York Hospital of Queens. Now that is awesome.

I guess when you are married to the primo diva in the pop world, you have to get attention in whatever outlandish way you can think of.

Just Watch This

http://gawker.com/5824338/the-best-four-minutes-of-mariah-careys-insane-hsn-appearance

Toilet Bubbly

Will wonders never cease?

According to this article, Mariah Carey had a long-awaited GNO (girls night out) after giving birth to twins in April.

And like most GNO's, Mariah started the night off with a $1600 bottle of champagne...on the toilet.

That's right, she ordered the waiter to deliver her bottle of champagne to the ladies bathroom. Because that's not sketchy at all.

Although Mariah is still ridiculous as ever, I have to say homegirl is looking GOOD after having twins. I'd say she's damn-near pre-pregnancy/pre-hormone treatment, and that is a major feat after having twins just 3 months ago. Kudos Mimi!

Ice Cream is Important

Thank you Google Alerts for finally giving me back what I lost the one day of High School that I forgot to watch TRL - The Mariah Carey Ice Cream Truck/Stripper Meltdown.

10 years ago last week, Mariah sauntered onto the TRL stage to an unsuspecting Carson Daly, finally available in this video.

While Mariah waxes poetic by saying, "Sometimes, if you don't have ice cream in your life, you just might go a little crazy," I think Carson says it best when he whispers into the mike, "Mariah Carey has lost her mind everybody!"

And for the love of God Mariah, yes we like your damn shirt!

Sweet Mariah of Mine

Well this is just sweet!

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-07-14/news-and-interviews/29772758_1_mariah-carey-nick-cannon-moroccan-and-monroe

'Mariah Carey, who gave birth to twins in April, is ''done'' with having kids, and has threatened to 'kill' husband Nick Cannon if he makes her give birth again.'

That's the right idea Mariah. Because being a single mom, incarcerated, with twins after killing your husband is better than enduring the miracle of birth one more time.

The beauty of Mariah is that she's not just classy, she's also rational.

Do the hips lie?

Thanks to my Earth shattering Google Alerts, I now finally know what Mariah looks like after giving birth. And she looks like...Shakira.

Seriously, that has to be Shakira. According to this article, this is an actual picture of Mariah Carey, released on Twitter by her baby daddy Nic Cannon. Well Nic, you mulatto lover just turned into a Latina! Ay ya ya!

So pregnancy makes Posh Spice look the exact same as she did non-pregnant, and makes Mariah Carey look like a sexy, hippy Columbian popstar...Maybe I will give pregnancy a shot afterall!

Here's Shakira for reference (i.e., the same as above):

H20 4EVA

I promise that DivaSaysWhat is not going to be a blog exclusively about water aerobics, but I just found out something awesome that deserves a water aerobics related post.

According to many articles I found online after a friend tipped me off, Mariah Carey credits her svelte figure (these articles are from 2008) almost exclusively to water aerobics!! Well, water aerobics and a "bleak diet" consisting of fish cooked "blandly" and soups.

Ick to the diet but yay for the water aerobics! That means that if I build my own indoor pool and have a personal chef keep hanging out with 60 year old woman from 8:30-10am every morning, I too can be a voluptuous diva like Mariah one day!!

Sel-Fish

Geez, Mariah is so selfish.

According to this article she is done having kids already. I was really hoping for a Jackson Five 2.0, which would obviously called something like the Butterfly Gang or Honey B Flies, or some such redonkulous name.

Mariah said that her pregnancy with the twins was so "intense" that she doesn't want to go through it again. That is kind of weak sauce coming from the same woman who can belt out the Whistle Tone, the highest register that the human voice is capable. Now if that isn't intense I don't know what is.

Moracco and Monroe sure do have a lot of weight on their shoulders being Mariah's only children. I hope they don't disappoint me the admiring world of butterflies.