January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
January 29, 2012
January 26, 2012
I accidentally grabbed two HAND towels instead of two BATH towels. And naturally I did not realize the error of my ways until after I was showered, naked, and surrounded by 3 other showerers in the stalls next to me.
A mad dash to the bath towel section was not an option. And even an attempt, I'm sure, would've ended in an XL White Lightening slipping on the shower floor and ending up in a un-toned ball of nudity on the floor (I would be the White Lightening in this situation).
So I did what any
I obviously had to ask the showering stranger if she could pass me my watch back. She obliges, picks up the watch, and opens the curtain to hand it to me, only to catch a glimpse of me - wearing an outfit made entirely of petite towels. To say she looked impressed would be an understatement, and a total lie. Hello embarrassment, it's been a while but I'm glad to know we can pick up right where we left.
The outcome of this whole incident could really go either way. Either I get really motivated to lose weight and get skinny so that the next time I end up with only hand towels I look good. Or I am just going to live in fear of ever seeing the girl who handed me my watch that I never exercise again. We shall see.
Either way, just to be safe, next time I'm bringing a towel from home!
January 25, 2012
Not me. Have you seen the woman cook? I was about as shocked to hear that she had Diabetes as I was when Ricky Martin finally came out of the closet (i.e., not at all).
I'm also not mad that she is making money off of her disease. Why would she stop now? She made money getting fat and unhealthy, so what's the difference? If you weren't mad at for adding 4 sticks of butter to everything she's ever made on her cooking show, then you can't be mad that she is getting sponsored to publicize her diabetes. It's the same thing. If you are mad about one and not the other, then you are in a state of denial.
I wasn't even trying to stop the TV on a funny moment, I just lucked out with this heinousness when I went to get more ice.
Man, I love me some Kim Zolciak!
January 23, 2012
I got so excited to see what I had done to make my mom A) so proud, and B) actually type the words “You Go Girl”.
The body of the email was the following:
"Did either of you happen to pick up the pillow on the upstairs bed ?
Little, white with pink letters
You go girl!
It vanished and Mildred is worried!!!"
Allow me to explain why this is so insanely awesome.
First of all, about 15 years ago someone gave me a pillow that said “You Go Girl!” on it. I tried to get rid of it because, well, it says “You Go Girl!” on it. But my mom was having none of it. She basically rescued it from a life of Goodwill and landfills. Ever since then it has been perched prominently in my parents’ guest room.
That is, until 2012 when it disappeared! Dun, dun, duuuuuun!
But what she lacks in brains she more than makes up for in drama. When my mom’s mom died last year, Mildred went out of her way to make it as dramatic as possible so that, while showing that she cared, she could also remind my mom as often and as aggressively as possible that her mom had passed away. She also has a 6th sense that allows her to anticipate which room you are about to use, and then immediately start vacuuming there so that you can’t finish your phone call or hear yourself think. Anyway, back to the drama at hand…
Recently, further tragedy struck: The “You Go Girl!” pillow went missing and she freaked, according to my mom.
Crisis averted! I’m going to try to get my mom to send me a picture of the pillow. But it’d probably be too awkward for her to get a picture of Mildred. And until then, the epicness of the story might only be fully appreciated by the inner circle. ‘Tis a crying shame.
I do not, however, believe that this is true: http://www.omg-facts.com/view/Facts/44498
January 22, 2012
January 20, 2012
To clarify, when asked "If you could change any one thing about the way you look, what would it be? Why?"
My answer: "I wouldn't change anything because I like the way I am. I don't think I'm pretty or anything. I think that is sort of a bad question to ask."
First of all, if asked the same question today, I would probably have the same answer. I have always been confident in my person with no concrete confidence in my looks and a feminist with no feminist convictions.
I basically just said, I like myself but I'm not great. That's a bad question for no reason. Now leave me alone.
Essentially, I've always been neither here nor there. I'm not conceited, but I don't want to change. I'm offended by superficial questions like that, but I will do nothing to change the way society forces women to over-analyze their looks. Basically just a lazy, plain Jane who likes being plain.
Second of all, judging by this handwriting, I was at least passed 3rd grade (when I learned cursive) and before 9th grade (when I totally gave up on cursive). Who asks this kind of thing to middle schoolers? I still think this is a TERRIBLE question to ask a young person.
Teachers should be asking, "What do you love about your personality and intelligence and how can you use it to better the world?" Not, "What do you hate about your looks you not-yet-developed pre-teen?"But, much like in the 90's when I wrote this, I not going to do a thing about it!
January 19, 2012
Who cares!? This is just awesome news and a good use of taxpayers dollars.
While one Louisiana Commissioner is pushing for a ban on wearing pajama pants in public, one Mamacita already brought this to light years ago. Check it out here: http://www.divasayswhat.com/2009/10/i-got-beef.html
In a world of nasty political campaigns, $4 million boats capsizing, and Burger King suddenly offering delivery (to make it even more convenient to be lazy and unhealthy), can't we just let the people wear want they want.
And, even better, can't we compromise?: http://www.divasayswhat.com/2010/02/because-putting-on-pajamas-is-hard.html
My facial expression and hand placement make it look like I am cringing, whilst placing my right hand into a box of mud and worms.
January 18, 2012
We assembled it as such.
Having twin beds makes me feel old for some reason.
Fun fact while we are in this room: I am not a huge animal lover. I don't dislike them, but I just don't like to touch them.
What I lack in love for living animals, however, I more than make up for with love for the stuffed variety. This room is where I keep my stuffed animals since they got banned from my room after I got married.
Yes, I think that is a stupid name. Who wants to be named after a color, one that is only three letters short of the word Blubber? And Ivy? That just reminds me of the time my neighbor got his fingers and eyes each webbed together by a poisonous three leaf growth in the woods.
But this is Beyonce we are talking about people. I don't know if you've ever heard the way Jimmy Kimmel talks about Oprah, but that is how I feel about Beyonce. (Watch this video if you know what's good for you! It even features Boyz II Men)
No one messes with the queen of pop, bitch! Beyonce could name her baby Butt Rash for all I care. Homegirl and her mini-me are still going to be fierce and flawless.
When it comes to Beyonce, don't ask question. Just nod your head and tap your feet...and bring the beat in...Ok now you have to watch this video. It's my second favorite song of the moment.
January 17, 2012
I simply could not believe my ears when I heard the conversation between Ben and Emily about match.com.
In an odd turn of events, Emily signed up for match.com and was subsequently matched up with her BROTHER, who was also on match.com. I die.
If that happened to me, and I was romantically linked to my blood-related sibling, my next move wouldn’t be to go on a dating show on national TV. It would be to join a convent.
It is also very enlightening when Lindzi C. goes on her one-on-one date with Ben and then, because it’s too awkward to bear anymore awkward silences, they kiss. She then tells the camera that she “usually doesn’t kiss guys on a first date.” Well, duh Lindzi. Most girls don’t. This is not a normal scenario and it is also not normal for your date to be sucking face with dozens of other women when he’s not with you. Normal went out the window when you accepted a thorny flower in exchange for one more week in a group house of desperates.
It made me feel really dirty when Ben tells the reddish-haired girl (Jennifer, I think) that she is “definitely the best kisser in the house.” Ummm, that is definitely NOT a compliment. That’s like saying, “Out of all of the crazy sluts that are here for fame and a four month relationship, you put out the most and the best.”
And of course there's Shawntel. Who shows up for no reason other than the fact that she is a glutton for public humiliation?
January 16, 2012
Scooped the crap out of the middle. That wasn't very fun, but I managed.
The recipe calls for a mixture of the following ingredients that you then brush on the skins on the inside and outside.
Pretty maids all in a row. Basted and beautiful.
Closeup: Are you drooling? I was at this point. But not into the potato skin. Don't worry.
Bake them on each side for 7-8 minutes. Then add cheese and bacon and bake for 2 more minutes to melt cheese.
Soon they will start to look like this with hints of crispiness nad a few slightly burnt edges. Yum!
Serve with your favorite dipping sauce - Mine is Light Ranch. Because I'm an American. And because I pretend to think it makes it healthy because it's light.
Then eat them all. And repeat. There's plenty more potato to chop up!
It looks like The Juice is losing his house to foreclosure. Article here.
I don’t know if I had a stand out favorite for “best dressed” but I did love Laura Dern’s green number. I also had some beef with a few actors’ choices.
For starters, I thought Sarah Michelle Gellar looked like about 10 blue ink pens exploded on her otherwise nice white dress. But at least she didn’t go the route of Piper Parebo, who she presented with. Piper intentionally made her boobs look nonexistent by choosing a dress with a mesh metal V down the front that gave the allusion of 2 boobs that kept growing farther and farther apart until they both just fell off of her body entirely.
My worst dressed for the evening was definitely Angelina Jolie. I HATE the combination of colors that she wore. Bright red and institutional white. It reminds of a mail-order Russian bride who shaves off her eyebrows only so that she can color them back in with a very thin, dark pencil. Like her facial expression and personality, this ensemble was simply too severe.
On to the awards…I hate that I don’t care about silent films, but I don’t. I can’t imagine anything more boring. The only thing that could have gotten me excited about The Artist winning the award for best something (I can’t even remember), is if the person accepting the speech went up to the podium and just said absolutely nothing.
Also, I was sad that Julianna Marguiles didn’t win. Not just because I love The Good Wife, but mostly because when she does win she invariably makes some hella cute speech about her husband that makes me cry tears of joy.
Speaking of tears of joy, I cried a little when Octavia Spencer won her award. She is so cute and funny. I saw her on Jimmy Kimmel Live and she was hilarious. You have to love a fellow self-deprecating broad. That’s just good stuff.
Did anyone stay up for the awkwardness that was Sydney Portier? He sounded like Spock from Star Trek and/or a Robot when he was presenting Morgan Freeman with…nothing. For real, he did not give him an award. It reminded me of that time at the MTV Awards when Britney Spears presented Michael Jackson with a Birthday cake, which he somehow accepted as a Lifetime Achievement award. AWKWARD.
Call me crazy, but does the fact that Bradley Cooper doesn’t drink not make him exponentially less attractive to anyone else? I just can’t get on board with that. I can, however, get on board with Brad Pitt announcing the best movie nomination for Ides of March starring George Clooney and Ryan Gossling. That’s a whole lotta hot in one sentence. SCHWING!
I definitely think the most charming actors won. I am, in a word, obsessed with Meryl Streep. My bucket list consists of one thing: Have a glass of wine with Meryl Streep. If that turns into a bottle or two, so be it, but one glass is my goal. She is equal parts charming, talented, hilarious, and beautifully average. Love. Her.
And it just doesn’t get any cuter than George Clooney. It just doesn’t.
Final note: Madonna’s arms look like hairless cankles. They are much too large and rectangular to be compared to regular arms. And I find her so unlikeable for some reason. Anyone else?
January 15, 2012
This recipe was much better. Although I still want to make them again with my own adaptations to make them even better. I made this recipe for Eggplant Gratin by Barefoot Contessa in some very petite and inexpensive Le Creuset dishes I found on sale at Williams Sonoma.
Then make this incredible sauce.
As usual with with Ina's recipes I nix the fatty fatty ingredients and just use what I have and what doesn't make me feel like I am going to die on the spot from heart failure. That meant in this recipe that I nixed the half and half for skim milk and omitted the full-fat Ricotta for goat cheese, because I had it and because I like it much better.
The recipe and the episode of Barefoot Contessa says to fry the eggplant slices like this...
Until they look like this:
I found that to be too greasy and would probably even steam them next time before adding them to the dishes. Then the fun starts.
And then more cheese. Don't forget, this is an Ina recipe after all!
And then I baked it until it became golden and crispy and luscious like this:
Once again, at a different angle:
T'was glorious. But also was too greasy. Like I said, next time I'm going to steam them for a less greasy outcome.